I don’t know what to do. I feel vial and disgusting. I just feel like I’m in an avoid-avoid conflict. I have no where to go but down.

There are a lot of things on my mind. But my mind feels like a tangled ball of yarn. It seems impossible to straighten it all out. Some days it’s fine but other days it’s as though I can’t even hear my own thoughts. They are a constant hum.

Its just been one of those day where no matter how positive I try to be it’s like a dark blanket is hanging over my head. I feel miserable. I feel lost and worthless. I knew I would have a day like this again and I just realized how badly I hate this feeling. I am a black hole of misery and there is no light outside to make it better. Matter of fact, even if the sun was shining I don’t think I could escape this day. My god I fucking hate this. It slowly crept up my spin and into my brain. It’s a fucking plague munching away and me. I just want to sleep but I know if I turn out the lights and lay in the silence it will only get worse. Biting, clawing, ripping at my sanity. I know being alone is the worst place I can be but I want complete solitude. Isolation. The sound of my family down stairs and the simple hum of the heater is irritating me. This horrifying rage is building in my gut and for no reason. Do not disturb me and my solitude. The rage is overwhelming and I don’t know why. I want out, but there is no where to go. Stuck in a day of hell. Paralyzed. Make it go away. Please.